Becoming a Domestic Goddess
Months before our wedding, my then-boyfriend now husband asked me if I wanted to pursue my teaching career. I had just passed the teacher's licensing exam and he naturally thought that I would want to teach full-time. Of course he was a bit surprised when I told him that I wanted to stay at home. I was already working online at the time and I felt that it was the best arrangement for both of us. I understand that being a stay-at-home wife may seem a bit dull to some, but for me... it's the dream. I'm grateful that my job allows me to stay at home and do what I love.
Now that I've been doing it for the past eight months, I have learned a few things that have helped me understand my role as the queen of our humble abode.
Lesson #1: Learning to ask for help.
Just because I'm at home all day does not mean that I have to do everything. During the first few months of our marriage, I was obsessed with keeping the house immaculate. I made sure that the laundry was always done, food was always ready, and that the floor sparkled to perfection. Okay, I'm exaggerating there a little, but I really thought that to be the perfect wife I needed to maintain a spotlessly clean house. Well, that is impossible. I can barely keep up with the dust accumulating in our cupboards. Those first few months taught me that if I obsess about cleaning, there wouldn't be time to do anything else.
My husband also taught me the importance of asking. He always reminds me that he is there to help. I just need to ASK. The irony is that I'm not good at it. I guess I've gotten used to doing things on my own that it's just easier for me to do it myself. But that is not what marriage is about. Marriage means sharing the responsibility. It means asking my husband for help, not because I can't do it but because it's better when both of us are making an effort to make our house into a home.
Lesson #2: Dinner is not just about being full.
My husband has a list of his favorite meals. The downside is that the list only includes two things: Tinola and Nilaga. So, whenever I ask him what he wants for dinner, it's probably going to be one of those two. I sometimes wonder why I even bother to ask because I already know what he's going to say anyway. I remember one particular week when we had Nilaga three times. I got so sick of it that I added Sinigang mix to my bowl just to give it a different taste.
I eventually asked him why he never gets tired of eating the same thing and he said that it's because those dishes reminds him of home. As I thought about it, I learned that the food I prepare is not just about satisfying his appetite, it's also about providing him the comfort of being home. Since then I have made it my goal to regard cooking as more than just a routine, it's an opportunity to create new memories.
Lesson #3: Focusing only on domestic duties can leave you brain dead.
It's easy to become boring and dull when you're a stay-at-home wife. I follow the same routine everyday: wake up, cook, work, clean, tidy up, sleep. I've gotten so used to it that I do most of my chores in autopilot. It does not require a lot of brain function which is a threat to my sanity!
This realization taught me that I need to keep myself mentally stimulated (and hence the return of my blogging career). Besides, I've always believed that it is important to find balance in everything. I need to make it a priority to invest in things that nurture my passion for life like reading good books, taking time to serve, engaging in stimulating conversations, etc. I'm just grateful that my husband is aware of my need for brain activity so he tries his best to engage me in different conversations which include, but are not limited to, politics, accounting, current events, and entertainment.
Final thoughts...
I understand that being a stay-at-home wife is not for everyone. There are many women who thrive in the corporate world, while others take pleasure in being a full-time wife/mother. The opportunities for women these days are limitless. And the best part is that women are able to contribute to the society whatever lifestyle they choose to have.
Now I know that some women may not have the liberty to choose what they really want to do in life. It is a fact that some women are in particular situations out of necessity. Understanding this reality deepens my gratitude for the opportunity that I have and that I get to choose to stay at home.
Now that I've been doing it for the past eight months, I have learned a few things that have helped me understand my role as the queen of our humble abode.
Lesson #1: Learning to ask for help.
Just because I'm at home all day does not mean that I have to do everything. During the first few months of our marriage, I was obsessed with keeping the house immaculate. I made sure that the laundry was always done, food was always ready, and that the floor sparkled to perfection. Okay, I'm exaggerating there a little, but I really thought that to be the perfect wife I needed to maintain a spotlessly clean house. Well, that is impossible. I can barely keep up with the dust accumulating in our cupboards. Those first few months taught me that if I obsess about cleaning, there wouldn't be time to do anything else.
My husband also taught me the importance of asking. He always reminds me that he is there to help. I just need to ASK. The irony is that I'm not good at it. I guess I've gotten used to doing things on my own that it's just easier for me to do it myself. But that is not what marriage is about. Marriage means sharing the responsibility. It means asking my husband for help, not because I can't do it but because it's better when both of us are making an effort to make our house into a home.
Lesson #2: Dinner is not just about being full.
My husband has a list of his favorite meals. The downside is that the list only includes two things: Tinola and Nilaga. So, whenever I ask him what he wants for dinner, it's probably going to be one of those two. I sometimes wonder why I even bother to ask because I already know what he's going to say anyway. I remember one particular week when we had Nilaga three times. I got so sick of it that I added Sinigang mix to my bowl just to give it a different taste.
I eventually asked him why he never gets tired of eating the same thing and he said that it's because those dishes reminds him of home. As I thought about it, I learned that the food I prepare is not just about satisfying his appetite, it's also about providing him the comfort of being home. Since then I have made it my goal to regard cooking as more than just a routine, it's an opportunity to create new memories.
Lesson #3: Focusing only on domestic duties can leave you brain dead.
It's easy to become boring and dull when you're a stay-at-home wife. I follow the same routine everyday: wake up, cook, work, clean, tidy up, sleep. I've gotten so used to it that I do most of my chores in autopilot. It does not require a lot of brain function which is a threat to my sanity!
This realization taught me that I need to keep myself mentally stimulated (and hence the return of my blogging career). Besides, I've always believed that it is important to find balance in everything. I need to make it a priority to invest in things that nurture my passion for life like reading good books, taking time to serve, engaging in stimulating conversations, etc. I'm just grateful that my husband is aware of my need for brain activity so he tries his best to engage me in different conversations which include, but are not limited to, politics, accounting, current events, and entertainment.
Final thoughts...
I understand that being a stay-at-home wife is not for everyone. There are many women who thrive in the corporate world, while others take pleasure in being a full-time wife/mother. The opportunities for women these days are limitless. And the best part is that women are able to contribute to the society whatever lifestyle they choose to have.
Now I know that some women may not have the liberty to choose what they really want to do in life. It is a fact that some women are in particular situations out of necessity. Understanding this reality deepens my gratitude for the opportunity that I have and that I get to choose to stay at home.
This is a good start to be a good mother. :) You can make sideline work through blogging. Keep this blog up while earning some few $. :)
ReplyDeleteganahan jud ko ani, karen! makarelate jud ko! bitaw, kadaghan pod sa imong gisulat ganahan jud ko. pero karon pa ko ka-comment. haha! keep it up!
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing this Karen :)
ReplyDelete