How My Daughter Changed My Marriage

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I feel like I've put my husband on the sidelines ever since Rei was born, and it makes me feel guilty. I don't want him to ever feel like he has to compete with my daughter for my attention. But try as I might, I can't prevent it from happening.

If there is anything I am guilty of, it would be my unrealistic notion of what my married life should be after having a baby. I have this idea that I should be able to do all my chores, care for Rei, finish my online job, and still look fresh and beautiful at the end of the day for my husband. We'll go on dates every weekend, hold hands at church, cuddle in bed, have long talks over dinner... (you get the picture).

Well, that is not my reality.

Gian comes home from work and I'm often still in bed, tired from nursing a crying baby all night. With no time to shower, I prepare breakfast, clean up, feed Rei and then its time for her nap. The kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes, clothes need to be folded, and I still haven't showered. The baby wakes up and I rush to get all my chores done before Gian goes to bed. I prepare lunch, quickly sweep the floor and take a 5 minute shower before the baby needs to be nursed again. Wait, did I shampoo my hair? This is not the life I expected. I am often tired, always in a rush and I haven't had my hair done in months.

Although our typical day at home is not exactly "ideal", I love every minute of it. It has deepened my relationship with my husband and it has taught me what it means to be "equal partners." It's different now that we have our baby. It's better. How? We love and understand each other more.

It's love when he holds me close and tells me that I'm beautiful even when my hair is a mess and I smell like sour milk.

It's love when he wakes up early and goes to the market to make sure that there's always food at home.

It's love when he plays with Rei so that I can sleep longer.

It's love when he thinks instant noodles and canned goods is "gourmet" food because I'm too tired to cook after chasing Rei all day.

It's love when he tells me "thank you for taking care of us" when I feel like a total failure.

It's love when he stays up past his bed time to watch the baby so I can have a few minutes to myself.

It's love and I see it every day.

Yes, my marriage has definitely changed after having a baby. I don't get to spend alone time with my husband like I used to and that makes me feel guilty. But I no longer feel like he needs to compete with our daughter for my attention because even though we're both busy, we get to show each other what true love really means.

Comments

  1. UnknownAugust 14, 2017 at 8:03 PM

    Awwww! So sweet! Expressed really well =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen RagasaAugust 14, 2017 at 9:27 PM

      Ana jud na Te basta nagapa-dede and there's nothing else to do... daghan ma-huna hunaan. hahaha!

      Delete

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