Saying Goodbye to Barney

Barney was my babysitter.

I am not proud of it. In fact, I feel horrible for letting Rei watch Youtube videos at a very young age. 

"The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends keeping all screens off around babies and toddlers younger than 18 months. They say a little screen time can be okay for older toddlers, and children 2 and older should get no more than an hour of screen time per day." Read more.

I thought that as a stay-at-home mom I would be able to care for my daughter all day and not have to rely on gadgets for entertainment. Well, it's a lot harder than I thought. Contrary to my ideals, I have relied on Barney in many occasions to keep Rei busy so I can finish my chores and regain a little bit of sanity. When I had to use the bathroom and Rei was especially clingy, it was Barney who came to the rescue. It was also Barney who kept her entertained so that Gian and I can get dressed and not be late for Church. Rei have had longer screen times than what is appropriate for her age (She shouldn't even have any screen time at all!) and I didn't want it to become a habit. I have relied on Barney for far too long and it needs to stop.

It's hard, but definitely not an impossible undertaking. It requires a lot of patience and creative thinking, but it's the best decision for my daughter. I am not saying that gadgets are evil or that moms who allow their kids to use gadgets are bad moms. That is their prerogative and I have no business whatsoever about what activities they allow their kids at home. What I'm sharing is MY decision as a mother and WHY I chose to limit Rei's screen time. Of course, my daughter is not a hermit and she will be exposed to gadgets every now and then, but for now, Barney will have to say bye bye.

Why?

Because I have seen that dazed look on Rei's face as she watched Barney over and over again and it was both scary and sad. She was hypnotized and it was the worst thing I've ever seen.

What's my plan?

Since quitting my job is not an option, have a better work schedule.
Rei watched Barney for the first time when I needed to finish some stuff for work. It was about four months ago and that was the start of Barney's babysitting duties. In an ideal world where money is not an issue, quitting my job is probably the easiest solution to my babysitting dilemma. But since that is not an option for our family, I opted for an earlier shift at work. It's a challenge to wake up at 4 am so that I can work while Rei is still sleeping, but in the end, it's really just a little sacrifice because I get to spend the whole afternoon with her. The greatest benefit is that I no longer need Barney to entertain her while I'm working.

Ask for help. Involve the whole community if necessary.

Although working an earlier shift freed up my afternoon schedule, it did not necessarily mean that I now have all the time in the world. There are still chores that need to be done, and meals that need to be prepared. So, to have a more productive day at home, I have taken the proverb “It takes a village to raise a child,” quite literally. I rely on Gian to take care of Rei in the morning while I finish my job, and I sometimes ask my sister to watch her in the afternoon so I can do my chores. Every little bit of help goes a long way, and I no longer need Barney to keep my daughter busy.

Go out. It doesn't matter where, it just has to be outside.

Since Rei has gotten used to her “Barney time,” it was quite a challenge when I decided to cut her screen time altogether. She went ballistic at one point when she saw me holding the iPad and I did not let her watch her purple dinosaur buddy. It was sad seeing her cry like that, but it strengthened my resolve to follow through with my decision. I knew that weaning her off Barney was not just about eliminating screen time, it also meant providing her with different activities to do. My afternoon schedule now consists of lots and lots of play time and outside walks. She loves being outside and there are days when we have to go out twice or thrice because it was the only thing that pacified her. Although it's sometimes hard for me to deviate from my planned schedule, I learned to be flexible to meet my daughter’s needs.

Prepare for relapse.
It never crossed my mind that Rei would relapse after being weaned off her screen time. I was more worried about myself, because it's so much easier to play a Youtube video than deal with a crying child. And I admit that I have relapsed several times. I just have to remind myself that Barney is like a bad habit that I need to change, and change takes time. So, as much as he loves me and I love him, I really just need to keep my distance.

Count my victories.
I am often stressed because I have a certain idea of what our day should be like at home. I sometimes feel like I'm not doing enough when things don't go as planned. So it's important for me to recognize that even during the toughest days, there are things that I was able to accomplish. It could be as simple as singing songs and playing peek-a-boo with Rei while doing the laundry instead of letting her sit in her crib with the iPad or it could be getting her dressed without having to use my phone to keep her still. These are very small things, but to me, they are my little victories.

I still have a lot to learn as a mom and I am very far from the ideal parent that I want to be, but if there's one thing Barney taught me these past few months, it's that everything is possible when we use our imagination.