Before I Said "Yes"

Gian and I bought our honeymoon tickets before we got engaged.

It's true.

It seems like a very presumptuous decision, but I guess you can say that we were that sure that we were getting married. Also, there was an ongoing seat sale and I just couldn't miss out on the opportunity.

Okay, it was me. It was my idea to get the tickets early. It was a really good deal though. We got our Palawan round trip tickets for Php 1,630 for the two of us. Yes, it was that cheap, but that's not the point. The decision to buy the tickets was never about the seat sale. It was about my sheer confidence that I will marry Gian. Even if he hasn't popped the question yet.

Why was I so confident to marry him? Because I've prayed about it, and I asked the right questions.

My first impression of Gian was greatly influenced by our capacity to talk about everything. We discussed politics, anime, books, food, the Gospel, and even our deepest insecurities. We never hesitated to ask each other questions because we weren't scared to hear the truth.

One of the things I asked him before we started dating was his financial status. He had hinted in one of our conversations that he wanted us to date exclusively and in response, I asked him if he was able to support a family. It may sound like I was thinking too far into the future, but what I really wanted to know was whether he was prepared for such a commitment. We were both at the "marrying age" (whatever that means) and we both understood that our purpose of dating was to get married. If he wasn't ready for such a commitment, I didn't want to get my hopes up. So I asked him straightforwardly, and his response blew me away.

"I'm not rich, but I am capable." Baaam! I was dumbfounded. I admired his honesty and I was especially impressed with his confidence. I knew right then that he was someone I wanted to get to know even more. 100 points for Gian Ragasa!

As we spent more time together and became more comfortable talking about our past, we didn't shy away from discussing our previous relationships. We talked about our exes partly out of curiosity and partly because we wanted to know what went wrong and what we could do to avoid such mistakes. We both knew that to make our relationship work, we have to learn from our past. We identified the good and the bad in each relationship, and we were honest about our own faults and inadequacies that may have contributed to the breakup. It was like going over a case study and the subjects were ourselves. It was an experience that really made me understand what it meant to "get to know each other."

As our relationship deepened and our conversations about marriage became more frequent, we spent a lot of time talking about our plans and what we expected from each other.

Are we going to have a reception or not?

Was I going to work outside the home or be a stay-at-home wife?

Are we going to live on our own or stay with our family?

How many kids do we want to have?

Do we want to have kids right away?

What do you consider as "needs" or "wants?"

How do you feel about borrowing/lending money?

Which is more important, comfort or cost?

These and many other questions were the topics of our conversations. I shared things that were important for me and he shared those that were important for him because we wanted to know if we were on the same page. It helped clarify expectations and determine our plan of action.

In my desire to know "everything about him," I also needed to remember that it does not give me the right to go behind his back. I had to learn the difference between asking inspired questions and invading his privacy. I may have the best intentions, but it does not mean I should push things too far. Conversations should always be founded on respect and trust. I have to accept that there are things that he may not be comfortable to share with me yet, and in those cases, I needed to rely on the Spirit to know what is right then act according to the promptings I receive.

Asking the right questions increased my confidence to answer "yes" to Gian's proposal. It was an easy decision because I really got to know the man I was going to marry. I had the assurance that we shared the same values and desires. And the best part? He didn't take too long to ask me to marry him. But that's another story for another time.