He Put a Ring on It!
Gian and I had our first conversation through text. A friend he had met on his mission, who was attending my ward, gave him my number and that's how we got in contact.
A week and a half after our first conversation, we had our first date at the Manila Temple. I know it's a bit cliché, but that's what happened.
About a month after our first date, I agreed that we should date exclusively.
Two months after we became BF/GF, he proposed and I said "yes."
Five months after our engagement, we got married.
I guess you could say that our story was a whirlwind romance, but I'd rather call it "purposeful dating." We took each chance we had to get to know each other and find out if marriage was a possibility. Each date and conversation was an opportunity to evaluate each other's personal values and character. And when we both felt that the decision to get married was right, we did not delay.
It's just like what Harry said in the popular romcom When Harry Met Sally, "...when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
While it is tempting to pack one's bag and get married at the first available opportunity, PREPARATION is necessary. It is important to remember that dating, engagement, and marriage is a journey, not a race.
As I think about my personal experience of preparing for marriage in a short amount of time, I have learned that there are several factors that should be considered before completely tying the knot.
1. Family
Contrary to what people say, marriage is NOT just about two people. Marriage is a union of two families. That's why I think pamanhikan, an old Filipino tradition, is still ideal. Why? Because it shows love and respect. But since we live in contemporary times, pamanhikan doesn't have to be done as they did traditionally. It can be planned in a way that is agreeable to both families.
Gian met my parents on a trip we planned prior to our engagement. It was a short trip, but it gave my parents the opportunity to meet Gian and see him interact with me and other family members. We also visited my grandmother and other extended relatives. It was a fun pamanhikan/vacation which included a lot of food and sightseeing.
I, on the other hand, met Gian's mom a few weeks before the wedding. She was working overseas then and there was no other opportunity to meet her earlier. Gian and I took her out for dinner and then spent some time together at my apartment. It was simple and memorable.
Though our families didn't get to "meet and plan the wedding" as expected in a traditional pamanhikan, the opportunity we had to meet each other's family greatly blessed our marriage. Gian has a great relationship with my parents and I do too with his mom.
2. Money
There's a Bisaya saying that says, "Bahala'g saging, basta labing!" which means "It doesn't matter if we're only eating banana as long as we're in love." It's a comical expression people use to emphasize the importance of love over material possessions. Although there is some wisdom in this saying, I have to admit that I would hate to only eat banana for the rest of my life even if it's for love. This lady got to eat proper food!
There will be hard times in marriage, but it's not meant to be a lifelong suffering. I believe that when couples are fully prepared, they do not have to survive on banana for the rest of their married life. The key is to determine priorities as a couple.
Gian and I planned to pay for our entire wedding/celebration so it was important for both of us to talk about all possible expenses. Here's a few financial topics that we discussed before we got married:
3. Timing
I've heard of the saying "marry six months after you get home from your mission" so many times that I roll my eyes in exasperation whenever I hear church members mention it as if it's part of the Ten Commandments. It is NOT. And if it was, many returned missionaries will be doomed eternally for not meeting such requirement. Why? Because Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."
I got married four years, eight months, and 12 days after I came home from my mission. And you know what? I am a happily married woman.
The desire to keep the commandment of the Lord to marry should never be a reason to rush one of the most important decisions of your life. President Spencer W. Kimball taught that “Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys." The decision to marry is THAT important, so my only advice is take time.
Take time to get to know yourself. Determine where you are in your life right now and decide on where you want to be.
Take time to date. Getting to know someone is a learning experience. It will teach you about the other person and also about yourself.
Take time to plan and ask the right questions. It would be a great regret if you find yourself in an undesirable situation which you could have avoided with proper planning.
Take time. Because the best things in life are never rushed.
A week and a half after our first conversation, we had our first date at the Manila Temple. I know it's a bit cliché, but that's what happened.
About a month after our first date, I agreed that we should date exclusively.
Two months after we became BF/GF, he proposed and I said "yes."
Five months after our engagement, we got married.
I guess you could say that our story was a whirlwind romance, but I'd rather call it "purposeful dating." We took each chance we had to get to know each other and find out if marriage was a possibility. Each date and conversation was an opportunity to evaluate each other's personal values and character. And when we both felt that the decision to get married was right, we did not delay.
It's just like what Harry said in the popular romcom When Harry Met Sally, "...when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
While it is tempting to pack one's bag and get married at the first available opportunity, PREPARATION is necessary. It is important to remember that dating, engagement, and marriage is a journey, not a race.
As I think about my personal experience of preparing for marriage in a short amount of time, I have learned that there are several factors that should be considered before completely tying the knot.
1. Family
Contrary to what people say, marriage is NOT just about two people. Marriage is a union of two families. That's why I think pamanhikan, an old Filipino tradition, is still ideal. Why? Because it shows love and respect. But since we live in contemporary times, pamanhikan doesn't have to be done as they did traditionally. It can be planned in a way that is agreeable to both families.
Gian met my parents on a trip we planned prior to our engagement. It was a short trip, but it gave my parents the opportunity to meet Gian and see him interact with me and other family members. We also visited my grandmother and other extended relatives. It was a fun pamanhikan/vacation which included a lot of food and sightseeing.
I, on the other hand, met Gian's mom a few weeks before the wedding. She was working overseas then and there was no other opportunity to meet her earlier. Gian and I took her out for dinner and then spent some time together at my apartment. It was simple and memorable.
Though our families didn't get to "meet and plan the wedding" as expected in a traditional pamanhikan, the opportunity we had to meet each other's family greatly blessed our marriage. Gian has a great relationship with my parents and I do too with his mom.
2. Money
There's a Bisaya saying that says, "Bahala'g saging, basta labing!" which means "It doesn't matter if we're only eating banana as long as we're in love." It's a comical expression people use to emphasize the importance of love over material possessions. Although there is some wisdom in this saying, I have to admit that I would hate to only eat banana for the rest of my life even if it's for love. This lady got to eat proper food!
There will be hard times in marriage, but it's not meant to be a lifelong suffering. I believe that when couples are fully prepared, they do not have to survive on banana for the rest of their married life. The key is to determine priorities as a couple.
Gian and I planned to pay for our entire wedding/celebration so it was important for both of us to talk about all possible expenses. Here's a few financial topics that we discussed before we got married:
- The first and most important question was: how much money do we have?
- How much was our combined monthly income after taxes and tithing?
- What's our budget for rings? What kind of rings do we want? Do we want silver, gold, white gold, or titanium?
- Are we going to buy our own wedding dress/suit or are we going to just rent?
- Are we going to have a reception? What's the budget for food per person?
- Do we have a budget for a honeymoon? If yes, how much?
- Are we going to live on our own? What is the average cost of rent we can afford?
- What are some furniture/household items we need to purchase before the wedding?
3. Timing
I've heard of the saying "marry six months after you get home from your mission" so many times that I roll my eyes in exasperation whenever I hear church members mention it as if it's part of the Ten Commandments. It is NOT. And if it was, many returned missionaries will be doomed eternally for not meeting such requirement. Why? Because Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."
I got married four years, eight months, and 12 days after I came home from my mission. And you know what? I am a happily married woman.
The desire to keep the commandment of the Lord to marry should never be a reason to rush one of the most important decisions of your life. President Spencer W. Kimball taught that “Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys." The decision to marry is THAT important, so my only advice is take time.
Take time to get to know yourself. Determine where you are in your life right now and decide on where you want to be.
Take time to date. Getting to know someone is a learning experience. It will teach you about the other person and also about yourself.
Take time to plan and ask the right questions. It would be a great regret if you find yourself in an undesirable situation which you could have avoided with proper planning.
Take time. Because the best things in life are never rushed.
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